Teganjaz Books Presents... Author, Tracy L. Darity

The mother/daughter relationship is one of the most intricate relationships known to mankind, regardless of ethnic background or culture. It differs greatly from that of mother and son, and heaven forbid if that daughter is a daddy’s girl because that only complicates things more. What is so weird about the mother daughter bond is that no matter what transpires between the two, daughters often spend a lifetime desiring a special connection with their mother that is often times hard to express.

As little girls we believe our mothers can cure whatever ails us. She can kiss our booboo’s and make them all better. She can explain everything and is our biggest supporter. She finds joy in everything we do, and the highlight of her life seemed to be receiving those handmade gifts like the rickety clay pot, the macaroni decorated picture framed with popsicle sticks, and the card with the images from the latest fashion magazine pasted to colored construction paper that depicted our image of her.

By the time we’re nine or ten we’ve decided there is no one else in the world we’d rather be. We begin to emulate our mothers. We want to know what she knows and do what she does. My mother use to sew when I was younger and nothing compared to going downtown to Sierkese Fabrics, where we would shop for patterns in those huge books by McCall’s, Butterick, Simplicity and Vogue, and then pick out our fabrics and accessories, then home we would go to create our fashions. Second to that was putting together those 1000+ piece jigsaw puzzles.

If you asked me today if my mom and I have much in common my immediate reply would probably be no. But if I thought about it, I’d have to admit we have a lot in common, aside from our past passion of sewing. As I was working in my youngest daughter bedroom recently, I had to stop and laugh. I love to decorate, and love to create unique settings, just like my mom use to. I suddenly remembered when I was younger; my mom designed a room for my sister and me. The walls were painted black and white stripe using 3 inch wide masking tape (I remember that tape because it was so much fun pulling it down and seeing the straight lines it created). She had my dad build this huge box (for some reason I think it was painted blue), and I am talking a 4ft wooden cube. It was pushed into the corner and our twin beds were pushed up against the sides creating headboards. We then placed books, a lamp and whatever else on the top of the cube. I loved that room then, but now I am thinking, mama what was that all about…LOL Believe it or not, I saw a similar room a few years ago in a decorating magazine.

For some of us, something transpires around the teen years and we suddenly draw a line in the sand and dare our moms to cross it. At this place in time she can no longer just be the mom we loved since birth, who guided us and protected us and taught us the things we needed to know. No, at this moment she has to fit into an illusion of grandeur that we have created in our minds and if she sways just the slightest she is voted off our island until she is capable of proving herself worthy.

Or maybe it’s just our inability to adjust to change. The craziest things remain in our psyche. For me it was my 12th birthday; my mom use to buy me themed cakes for my birthday of whatever character I loved at the time. I waited anxiously for my mom to come home from work because I knew she would have a Strawberry Shortcake character cake for me. But when she unveiled the cake it was white with yellow roses and pineapple filling. I have defined that as the day I decided my mother wasn’t the perfect person I thought she was because she had to have known that act alone would knock my world from its axis and my life would forever be changed. Okay, so I was a little spoiled back then but the point is, something so irrelevant can cause a huge schism between mothers and daughters.

It isn’t that the act causes us to no longer love her or appreciate her; it’s just that we are forced to accept that she is not superwoman, she can’t fix all that ails us, she isn’t equipped to clean-up our big girl messes…or she just no longer chooses to. She has raised us as a good mother should and molded us into the women we are today. The parts of her that we don’t particularly care for, we rebel against instead of accepting it as human nature; and when things go awry society tells us it has to be something she did or didn’t do when we were a child. So I am here to share with you the 10 things my mother never did for me.

1. She never hung-out all night leaving me with strangers or alone.

2. She never physically or verbally abused me.

3. She never left me alone for days to fend for myself.

4. She never placed me in a situation where we were forced to be homeless.

5. She ensured I never went to bed hungry because there was always food in the house.

6. She never went to the school when I was cutting up and cursed out the teachers and the administrators or threatened them with bodily harm.

7. She never brought strange men around me and told me to call him uncle while all along he was molesting me.

8. She never slept with one of my boyfriends and caused me bodily injury while trying to defend her actions.

9. She never became addicted to drugs and when she couldn’t pay the bills bartered me to cover the tab.

10. and; She never showed malice towards me, or called me awful names like b%^$, tramp, etc, or told me that she hated me and regretted the day I was ever born.

Now some of you are probably wondering where in the world I came up with that list. Well all you have to do is pick-up a newspaper or turn on your local news, to witness firsthand the demise of the mother/daughter relationship. It’s amazing that what we think is major gripes about our mothers can become miniscule in comparison to the real issues some women are having with their moms. Therefore, my challenge to you this Mother’s Day is to reflect over this list and if your mom never did any of those things for you, be grateful, and if she’s still alive, call her and tell her that you love her and recognize that she is the best mom she knew how to be, and regardless of her flaws or missteps, you are a better person because of her. And remember, your mother may not be the mother of your dreams, but you can always be that mother to your daughter…then wait for her to become an adult so she can tell you all the things you needed to be and wasn’t.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms of the world! Have a blessed and joyous day.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of “He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!” and “Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.”

www.TracyLDarity.com

www.TracyLDarity.ning.com

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