Teganjaz Books Presents... Author, Tracy L. Darity

You’ve gotten a new hairdo, bought some new clothes, rushing home each day to cook his favorite meals, even started cleaning up the place. He’s staying home more, fixing those things you’ve been complaining about, he’s even agreed to date night. But what happens when it’s still not enough? Maybe it’s time to consider that your mate just isn't that into you.

Week after week, the pastor at church drills into the minds or married couples that they have to do whatever it takes to keep their marriage together. Your vows said, “until death you do part.” You’ve made a covenant with God and covenants should not be broken. Family is stepping in to do their part. They agree to watch the kids so you two can get away. They are involving you more in their social outings and encouraging you to do more as a couple. Still, the spark you need just isn’t there.

What happens when one spouse wants it to work at all cost and the other isn’t committed to the success of the relationship? What about the couple that is simply staying together for the sake of appearances, holding up the lie they have created. Those looking in from the outside see you two as the perfect couple with all the trimmings and envy what you have. But if walls could talk they'd know it was all just a mirage.

Are you and your mate together for all the right reasons? Or is it more a joining of convenience? Were you down and out when he or she came along and picked you up? Did you two compare your stats and decide you look good on paper? Did casual sex lead to an unwanted pregnancy and he decided to “do the right thing?” Or could it be that like LaDamien Bryson, in my novel Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day, you felt like time was running out and it was time to settle down?

People get married for a lot of reasons but I am of the opinion that if true love doesn’t top that list, you are headed for major trouble. Two people must have a mutual like, (unconditional) love, and respect for one another if they are going to be totally vested for the long haul. Can you imagine waking up everyday next to someone you don’t like as a person? Where is your motivation as you go through your day working hard to provide a happy and stable home for someone you don’t really love? And at the end of the day, how hard must it be to return to a house and realize that the last thing you want is to be touched, spoken to, or lay down with someone you despise.

Relationships can be like a job you have grown to hate, once people acknowledge they do not like their job, their co-workers, etc, they begin to mentally check-out. They no longer give 100%, they do not care if anyone is happy with their work, and they begin to find excuses for why they can’t show-up like they are supposed to. When your mate is no longer feeling you, they begin to treat you like that job. They continue to give just enough to get by but all along they are wishing and hoping for something better. And like most people who want to make a change professionally, it is usually that leap of faith that keeps them firmly planted in a miserable situation. In most cases, they become distant and miserable and infect those around them with that same misery, or they create an impossible situation forcing drastic actions from others.

Some mental health professionals believe that allowing yourself to stay in an unstable and unhappy home can lead to depression. You lose your direction, your motivation, and your self-esteem takes a nose-dive. People also find other coping mechanisms to replace the love missing in their marriages/relationships. These coping mechanisms can range from a hobby, excessive spending, affairs, drinking, and other behaviors that can do more harm than good. Whatever the chosen distraction, it only eases the pain but does not address the real problem, which is, your mate just isn’t that into you, and you need to figure out what to do about it.

Bonnie Raitt has a song, that was also recorded by Boyz II Men (and a few others), titled I Can’t Make You Love Me. In this song, the singer is in love with someone who has made it evident that they just aren’t into this person. The singer pleads for just one night to prove their love and if in the morning the other person hasn’t figured out how to love them back, they will just walk away. So my question to you is, if your mate isn’t that into you and you’ve done all you can do to make them love you, what are you willing to do to get the love that you deserve, even if it means walking away?

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the 2009 Living In Color Literary Award for Best New Author, for her debut novel He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! She is also the author of the steamy, yet thought-provoking new release, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day. The above blog is part IV of the Love… series. Click the links below to read the previous entries.

Part I – Are You And Your Mate Keeping It 100?

Part II – First Comes Love Then Comes Marriage Then Comes ____ Pushing A Baby Carriage

Part III – Marriage….Life Commitment or Life Sentence

Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day is causing readers to take pause and reflect over their own relationships. This controversial novel about three lives that become intertwined when LaDamien Bryson, who is married, is faced with whether or not to stay in a marriage that he long ago realized was a mistake, or pursue the love of a woman he believes to be his soul-mate. His inability to choose one over the other sends all of their lives into a whirlwind with ramifications that can cost him a whole lot more than their love.

To take a peek inside, see book trailers, or learn more about Tracy L. Darity, please visit www.TracyLDarity.com; www.TracyLDarity.ning.com; or connect with the author on Facebook and Twitter.