Teganjaz Books Presents... Author, Tracy L. Darity

Jack and Jill sitting in a tree, k.i.s.s.i.n.g. first comes love then comes marriage then comes Jill pushing a baby carriage… Remember that little game we use to play when we were just kids and having a crush on some boy? I can’t count the number of names I could use to fill-in the blank on that one.

In the world of reality TV there is a show that airs on MTV called 16 and Pregnant. The show features teenage girls who have become pregnant and the struggles they face being pregnant at such an early age. Their decision to keep the baby not only affects their life but that of the teen father, and both of their families. It is hard for a young girl who has not experienced life herself to face such an enormous decision, and when the boy bails on her the show becomes that much more heart-wrenching. But you know what, it isn’t just teen boys who bail on the mothers of their children; grown men do it also. Some may walk away, while others leave emotionally, choosing to stay in the relationship physically but vacate mentally.

Can you imagine being in love with a man, the two of you get married, and then you decide to have a baby, only to learn your husband isn’t the husband/father you thought he would be? What do you do? Do you force him to step up to the plate and take responsibility; do you say forget this because I can do bad all by myself; or do you try to make the best of a bad situation? So many times I hear people say that they stay in failing relationships for the sake of the children. Actually, this seems to be reason #2, behind finances, as the reason people stay in unhappy marriages. Neither spouse seems to realize that staying together for the sake of the kids can do more damage than if they just parted ways.

Most afternoons you can find me listening to The Michael Baisden Show, which is on my list of things I “love to hate.” One topic that he covers on a regular basis is kids who know their parents are cheating/having affairs. He opens the phone lines and allows kids to call in and discuss how it makes them feel knowing that one or both parents are being unfaithful. Child after child calls in to describe the, who, what, when, where, and how of their (most often) fathers infidelity. And in most cases, the child states (s)he would prefer if the cheater just moved on. I am always curious as to how the children always seem to know about the affair, but when Michael does similar shows about cheating spouses, the wife (in most cases) calls in to say she had no clue…Hhmmm.

In my novel, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day, Kim, the wife, knows her husband is having an affair but instead of facing the problem head on, she chooses to get pregnant in an attempt to keep him home. This tactic only works temporarily. As the years go on, the residuals of their broken marriage shows up in their daughters’ behavior. It is a proven fact that children are directly affected by their home environment. If a parent abuses drugs or is an alcoholic, chances are the children will become addicts. If a boy sees his father beating his mother, chances are he will grow-up to become abusive. And a girl witnessing her mother being abused may become a victim of abuse in her relationships. With this being the case, how does infidelity affect children who are raised in that type of environment?

According to studies, the effects of adultery on children can range from a child becoming isolated from one or both parents, to serious depression and withdrawal. However, it has also been found that older kids do not see it as such a big deal, as a younger child might. Reactions can be delayed until the child becomes an adult and enters into a serious relationship. At this point, trusting their partner can be a major issue. I think we all can agree that affairs are a very selfish act, and often times is more about fulfilling internal needs and less about the other people who are affected by the affair. I will venture to guess that most people who have affairs rarely, if ever, consider their children until it is too late. And even then, both spouses are more likely to use the children as a reason to stay together than to part ways, which can be a catch 22, if the cheating spouse sees this as consent to continue doing what they are doing because their will be no repercussions.

The above blog is Part II in the Love… series. Click her to check-out Part I – Are You And Your Mate Keeping It 100?

Excerpt from Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day

LaDamien

…“Did you leave Ariel here alone?” I ask in an annoyed tone.

“Ariel is asleep, like you and I should be. Why would you leave this house and go be with that ho? I should have packed your shit and took it over there since that’s where you wish to be.” Kim brushed past me, headed inside and pulled the door shut in my face.

Two weeks have passed and Kim continues to give me the cold shoulder. It takes a call from Ariel’s school to get us to talk to one another. A conference has been scheduled to discuss our daughters’ behavior. According to her teachers Ariel has been blatantly disrespectful to them, refusing to do her work and talking back. Kim has no qualms about placing the blame on me.

“You think you can just run the streets not paying any attention to us and she not feel there’s some sort of disconnect between us.”

Who was she to talk when every time I turn around Ariel is with Debra?

“I think we both could do a little better. There’s no need to point fingers we just need to get her back on track.” Kim sucks her teeth loud enough for me to get the point. She is not going to bare any of the blame. Everything is my fault, as usual.

“Family counseling,” this is what Mrs. Fitzpatrick, the principal at Ariel’s school suggested. Ariel is concerned that Kim and I are headed for divorce. She confided in one of her teachers that I am rarely home and when I am, all her mom and I do is argue.

Kim has set this up perfectly. I am not sure what she is feeding my daughter but when we get home I am going to let her know that I do not appreciate her antics.

I watch as she gleefully accepts the information on the counselor Mrs. Fitzpatrick recommended. “Whatever is going on, Dr. Sampson can assist you with. He is the best in this area.”

“So is this what you had up your sleeve all along? To send Ariel in there telling our business so you can get us into counseling.”

We were barely out of the school office when I lit into Kim. She ignored me and continued in a hurried pace to her car. She claimed to have an important meeting that she could not cancel, leaving me to take Ariel home. Her teacher had walked her back to class to gather her things so I followed Kim to her car.

“I’m not going to counseling so don’t even bother scheduling an appointment.”

“Fine LaDamien, I’ll just let them know it will be Ariel and I, since my husband, her father, could give less than a damn about our family. Now get out of my way.” Kim slammed the car door and pulled off missing my foot by inches. I let out a deep sigh, thinking, my wife has lost her mind.

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the award-winning He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and her second release Love…Like Snow In Florida on A Hot Summer Day. For additional information visit www.TracyLDarity.com. To take a peek inside both books and view video book trailers, click here.