Teganjaz Books Presents... Author, Tracy L. Darity

“Hate On Me” by Jill Scott ©

If I could give you the world

On a silver platter

Would it even matter?

You'd still be mad at me...

...You cannot hate on me

'Cuz my mind is free

Feel my destiny

So shall it be

Above are some of  the lyrics ad video link  to NeoSoul singer, Jill Scott’s song “Hate On Me.”  Each Wednesday on The Michael Baisden Show he dedicates an hour of the show to those who have a dream that they are trying to pursue but have “haters” trying to block the finish line. Listeners are encouraged to call in and call out the “haters” in their lives, be it a spouse/significant other, family member, friend, or co-worker.

A “hater” in this aspect is supposed to be someone who is jealous of someone else’s goals, and ambition, and refuses to support, give assistance, or motivate the person with the dream. A “hater” is usually pessimistic and points out all the faults, negatives, and reasons why the dreamers dream will fail. They most-likely rejoice when you have a setback, and are ready to say, “I told you so.”

It is easy to label someone a “hater” when they do not share your vision or outwardly support your dreams. As I listen to Michael Baisden and his callers, I find myself wondering if the people being labeled as “haters,” are really “haters.” Or could it just be that the person with the vision has not revealed their expectations to the person they are calling out.

As an author, when I released my first novel, “He Loves me He Loves Me Not!” I probably had some unrealistic expectations for people in my life. I expected family and friends to be ecstatic over my accomplishment, to order my book just because I wrote it. I expected them to tell everyone they knew about my book, to forward my emails and advertisements to everyone in their contact list. I thought the community would be behind me 100%, with local papers receiving my press release kit and offering to do a story (maybe not the mainstream media but definitely the community papers)…and what about the local independent bookstore and radio stations. I could go on and on but I think you get the magnitude of expectations I had set for other people.

The truth of the matter is, we can’t set expectations for other people, not share them, and even if we do share with people what we expect, we can’t call someone a “hater” because they do not live up to expectations we have set for them. Communication is key in all relationships. You will probably find that if you sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with the people you expect to support you unconditionally, you will find that their definition of support may be different from yours. By letting people know what it is you are looking for them to do, you give them an opportunity to explain why they may not be able to assist the way you want them too, but perhaps there are other ways they can lend their support.

Sometimes we make judgments based on what we see, and never consider what may be taking place behind the scene. Someone may not have purchased your merchandise but it does not mean they didn’t tell someone who did. A friend may not have posted your flyer at the job because their company prohibits solicitation, but maybe that friend posted it at the community center, or laundry mat. Perhaps you weren’t invited to speak at someone’s organization monthly meeting because the members didn’t approve it, but they did try. Heaven forbide you ask someone to invest in your dream but you have not shown financial maturity in the past...why should they risk their money on you (again).  The list goes on and on but unless and until you have conversations with people you will never know, so don’t assume.

“Hater” is a strong label to place on someone you care about. Even after having the heart-to-heart and communicating your expectations, the person still does not support you, leave the labels and ill-feelings behind. Negativity only slows you down and blurs your vision. In any situation not everyone is going to believe in you, it is not a reflection on you or what you are trying to do. Think about it, if a person can’t dream for themselves how can they dream for you? And if their lack of support is out of fear that your light will shine brighter than theirs, then so be it. Just remember, what God has for you it is for you. For every person who does not support your dreams, He can send someone who will.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!, and the upcoming release, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.

Visit www.TracyLDarity.com and www.TracyLDarity.ning.com