Teganjaz Books Presents Author, Tracy L. Darity

The Tampa Bay area of Florida is very limited when it comes to African-American owned bookstores. Our premier bookstore, Books For Thought closed some time ago when its owner, the late Felicia Wintons Taylor, was forced to close the store when her battle with Breast Cancer began to take its toll. Felicia was a champion for local writers and aspiring authors, such as myself. Once my debut novel, He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! was published, I pretty much stalled in terms of an outlet to place my book. With placement in the big houses a long shot I began to look at independent bookstores throughout the area.

I packaged my press release kit, complimentary copy, and promotional materials, and set-out to introduce myself to bookstore owners. Several weeks later, and no return calls, I decided to call some of the stores to see if they had a chance to review the materials I had left. My first call was my last. What this store owner had to say was a real eye-opener. He asked me questions such as:

• How have you been selling books up until now?

• Why is it important to have your book in a store?

• Why would you waste time trying to direct potential buyers to a bookstore when you have them where you want them…in front of you?

• Do you think bookstores are going to market the book of an unknown self-published author (SP)?

And the questions went on and on. I was taken aback at first but the more I listened the more sense he was making. Currently, I market my books on-line, and distribute promotional materials to local businesses. I am creating a presence, so I like to think. I then go out to festivals and expos, etc, and sell. People love to touch the books, thumb through the pages, and read a few passages. They like to meet the author and ask questions about the book, about the process, and much more.

It really isn’t important to me to have my books in stores. I prefer to have them in the hands of readers, on their coffee table, being discussed at book clubs, and checked out of libraries. I actually didn’t think I would be wasting time directing potential buyers to bookstores; I just wanted to give them the option if they weren’t prepared to purchase the book during our initial meeting. Plus, people often ask where can they get the book, and what stores are they sold in. It would be nice to rattle off some locations.

Mr. Bookstore owner was ready to counter everything I had to say and it was starting to annoy me, but I continued to listen. “So, you have someone standing there with your book in hand, why not close the door on the sale right then and there?” he asked. “You give them the option to go to a store and buy the book later, well guess what; you just placed your book in competition with 1,000 other books.” According to him, book signings are just as bad, unless you are a best-selling author and 100’s of people are coming to the bookstore specifically to meet the author and buy the book they are selling. Otherwise, I’m placing myself at a disadvantage and making things much harder than they have to be. Wow, so I asked him what would he suggest? “Meet the Author events,” he said. “Get your friends, relatives, and co-workers to host signings in their homes, at their churches, or other outlets. You’re now the center of attention and your only competition is you.”

Now, he was starting to make sense. Nevertheless, I thought it’s still a good idea to have my book in stores. You know, just in case that person who didn’t have the funds really intended to pick-up a copy next week, or, if that person who picked up my literature from a local business happened to be on their way to the bookstore. I could actually send business his way.

When it got down to the nitty gritty, the all mighty dollar is what it’s all about, right. My bookstore owner broke it down for me, further. He’s in the business of selling books, not marketing them. The people who patronize his store already know what they are looking for when they enter the store. The majority of his sales are on books by established and best-selling authors. Like most bookstores, books need to move or they are sent back to the publisher for a refund. Most SP authors do not have refund clauses through their distributor. There are rarely feasible discounts given on these books. Stores can buy the books at 40% off the list price, which can still be expensive and cuts into store profit. A book by an unknown SP author will most likely need to be discounted because the POD (Print-on-Demand) service has the list price much higher than it should be. Therefore, it is not beneficial to stock books that aren’t going to bring in much profit to begin with. Well what about the 60/40 split that a lot of SP authors negotiate with independent bookstore owners? “Okay, so I am going to make 40% and what do you, the author make, because remember, in your 60% you must account for the cost of the book, shipping, and other incidentals like promoting your signing and travel, so you are down to about what 20 % profit, if that. See, the author still comes out with the short end of the stick.”

I am not sure if it was my deep sigh, or if this gentleman just felt the need to school this newbie to the business, but when it was all said and done, he decided to take my complimentary copy and display it to see if there was any interest. The book sold shortly after and several people have told me that they went into this particular store to inquire about my book, but I have not heard back from the owner, nor, have I contacted him. The truth of the matter is, this conversation held more truths to it, than I cared to admit. In today’s market, on-line booksellers such as Amazon.com have taken over book sells. I think the numbers are something like 75% of all books are sold through on-line retailers, with 25% coming out of brick and mortar establishments. African-American themed bookstores are a great outlet for minority SP book writers, but when it all boils down, unless you are in the area of such a store, it is not financially feasible to market out of those businesses when you consider travel expenses to get to the store for your book signing. The next option would be to sell on consignment. That can be tricky if the store you consign with is 200 hundred or 2000 miles away. How do you get your money when they do not hold up their end of the bargain?

Many will still counter that having a book in a bookstore and doing signings at these stores are the way to go, but when I ponder over the topic, I must be realistic. The couple of book signings I have done at stores were not beneficial. The popular franchise stores will only order about 10 – 15 copies of the book. That nets about $20 - $25 in royalties. I can bring additional books, but guess what, they still want their share. And like Mr. Bookstore Owner said, the 60/40 split really does come down to about that same $2.00 per book profit.

As a self-published author, I believe it is time to step outside the box. Many of us do what we have seen others do and assume this is the way to go. Like most things around us, a new day is dawning and a new way of doing things is on the horizon. It is time out for mimicking others and time to do what works best for us. Others may not like it, and may try to shoot down our ideas, but at the end of the day the success of our books is solely in our hands, from publishing, to marketing, to closing the deal on that next sell.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day. For more information, please visit: www.TracyLDarity.com  and www.TracyLDarity.ning.com.

If you are in the St. Petersburg, Florida, area, please visit God’s Property Custom T-Shirts, located at 4928 Gulfport Blvd (22nd Ave So), to purchase your copies of both books.

“Hate On Me” by Jill Scott ©

If I could give you the world

On a silver platter

Would it even matter?

You'd still be mad at me...

...You cannot hate on me

'Cuz my mind is free

Feel my destiny

So shall it be

Above are some of  the lyrics ad video link  to NeoSoul singer, Jill Scott’s song “Hate On Me.”  Each Wednesday on The Michael Baisden Show he dedicates an hour of the show to those who have a dream that they are trying to pursue but have “haters” trying to block the finish line. Listeners are encouraged to call in and call out the “haters” in their lives, be it a spouse/significant other, family member, friend, or co-worker.

A “hater” in this aspect is supposed to be someone who is jealous of someone else’s goals, and ambition, and refuses to support, give assistance, or motivate the person with the dream. A “hater” is usually pessimistic and points out all the faults, negatives, and reasons why the dreamers dream will fail. They most-likely rejoice when you have a setback, and are ready to say, “I told you so.”

It is easy to label someone a “hater” when they do not share your vision or outwardly support your dreams. As I listen to Michael Baisden and his callers, I find myself wondering if the people being labeled as “haters,” are really “haters.” Or could it just be that the person with the vision has not revealed their expectations to the person they are calling out.

As an author, when I released my first novel, “He Loves me He Loves Me Not!” I probably had some unrealistic expectations for people in my life. I expected family and friends to be ecstatic over my accomplishment, to order my book just because I wrote it. I expected them to tell everyone they knew about my book, to forward my emails and advertisements to everyone in their contact list. I thought the community would be behind me 100%, with local papers receiving my press release kit and offering to do a story (maybe not the mainstream media but definitely the community papers)…and what about the local independent bookstore and radio stations. I could go on and on but I think you get the magnitude of expectations I had set for other people.

The truth of the matter is, we can’t set expectations for other people, not share them, and even if we do share with people what we expect, we can’t call someone a “hater” because they do not live up to expectations we have set for them. Communication is key in all relationships. You will probably find that if you sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with the people you expect to support you unconditionally, you will find that their definition of support may be different from yours. By letting people know what it is you are looking for them to do, you give them an opportunity to explain why they may not be able to assist the way you want them too, but perhaps there are other ways they can lend their support.

Sometimes we make judgments based on what we see, and never consider what may be taking place behind the scene. Someone may not have purchased your merchandise but it does not mean they didn’t tell someone who did. A friend may not have posted your flyer at the job because their company prohibits solicitation, but maybe that friend posted it at the community center, or laundry mat. Perhaps you weren’t invited to speak at someone’s organization monthly meeting because the members didn’t approve it, but they did try. Heaven forbide you ask someone to invest in your dream but you have not shown financial maturity in the past...why should they risk their money on you (again).  The list goes on and on but unless and until you have conversations with people you will never know, so don’t assume.

“Hater” is a strong label to place on someone you care about. Even after having the heart-to-heart and communicating your expectations, the person still does not support you, leave the labels and ill-feelings behind. Negativity only slows you down and blurs your vision. In any situation not everyone is going to believe in you, it is not a reflection on you or what you are trying to do. Think about it, if a person can’t dream for themselves how can they dream for you? And if their lack of support is out of fear that your light will shine brighter than theirs, then so be it. Just remember, what God has for you it is for you. For every person who does not support your dreams, He can send someone who will.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!, and the upcoming release, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.

Visit www.TracyLDarity.com and www.TracyLDarity.ning.com

I have a Facebook friend who posts the same question everyday. “What 5 things are you grateful for?” I’ll be honest and admit that I have never posted a comment. Why, I do not know because I am grateful for a lot of things, like good health, family and friends. The other day I received my Streaming Faith Devotional. These are religious based devotionals that go out everyday and focus on a weekly topic. Of course, this week’s topic is “Giving Thanks.” The devotional that inspired this blog came from Dr. David Jeremiah, founder of Turning Point Radio and Television Ministries and senior pastor of Shadow Mountain Community Church.

 In his devotional “The Moment of Thanks” he encourages the reader to not only give thanks for the obvious things we are grateful for but to also give thanks for the things we take for granted in life.

There are so many things that we complain about on a daily basis but if we were to take a second, or perhaps, third look at the things that transpire within our lives everyday, we’d find a lot more than 5 things to be grateful for. I will call this my “although” list.

• Lord, although being a single mother has been hard at times; I am grateful that my children who are 16, 23, and 25, are alive and in great health, to-date have never been arrested or fell prey to drugs and alcohol abuse.

• Lord, although you called my father home last month; I am grateful to still have a beautiful mother who I love and cherish.

• Lord, although I haven’t made it to the bestseller list (yet); I am grateful for those who have taken a chance on an unknown author and purchased my book.

• Lord, although genetics have dealt me high blood pressure and now high cholesterol; I am grateful I am able to afford the medication to keep both in check.

• Lord, although I was laid-off two weeks ago; I am grateful for the time off to finish my second book, spend more time at the gym, accomplish all the things I have neglected due to work, like my rose garden, and to simply rest my mind.

Last but definitely not least,

• Lord, although I thought this was a thought provoking topic to write about; I am grateful I struggled to come up with things in my life that I complain about, or I’m not happy with.

Despite the losses, the disappointments, the setbacks, and the disruptions I may face day-to-day, I am so grateful because there are so many people in this world who will never be a parent, never know their parents or be loved by them, do not have adequate healthcare, lack skills or the mentality to have a job, but I have been blessed with them all.

This Thanksgiving I challenge you to make your own “although” list and you’ll see just how much you have to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tracy

Tracy Darity is the author of "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and the upcoming release "Love...Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day."

First, let me start with this disclaimer. I am a woman of a certain age and it may just be me but I swear, every time I turn on the television there is a woman, usually who shares my skin tone, talking louder than is required to get her message across.

Do you remember the first season of Flava of Love? You know, the reality TV show with rapper Flava Flav, and the women who for whatever reason, decided to get on national television and vie for his affection. I believe this was when I first noticed it. Not only were these women on TV behaving badly but they were loud and obnoxious while doing it. Then my daughter hipped me to another train wreck in progression. This time it was Oxygen’s The Bad Girls Club. I never fully understood the concept of this show. They place a group of women with pour social skills in a house together and they are supposed to learn how to deal with their anger issues. Instead, viewers are treated to an hour long screaming match that sometimes led to violent acts that lands them in jail or kicked off the show. Sigh.

Now I am sure you’re saying, “What do you expect from a group of misfits?” But it doesn’t stop there. Who goes into a job interview screaming and shooting off profanity towards others competing for the same gig? If you are a contestant on I Want To Work For Diddy you can, and they won’t even call SECURITY! What is that teaching the young people watching the show? Trust me I have worked for a company that hire people who, although they aren’t as bad, definitely display the tendencies.

Moving right along. What really send my noise-o-meter off the radar is BET’s Frankie and Neffe, the mother and sister of R & B singer Keyshia Cole. If you remember Keyshia had her own reality show that featured her family. I watched this show and my heart went out to this young lady because I could not even begin to imagine having to exert that much time and energy into loving my family. Whatever the reason for the separation, Keyshia Cole’s The Way It Is did not return and in its place we were served up a helping of drama, drama, and more drama in a series that was supposed to be about growth. I don’t know if Frankie and Neffe achieved that growth because by the third episode my head ached just considering watching the show.

Next up on the guide is Bravo’s Real Housewives of Atlanta. NeNe the shows favorite among viewers seems to have mastered the technique of bringing out the loudness in others. If Kim or Kandi was in the room you could bet your last dollar a shouting match was about to ensue. But in general, even when talking during the confessional, NeNe speaks in a very loud voice. Whew!

But the winner of my “why are you talking so loud” title has to go to the new nighttime talk show The Mo’Nique Show. Disclaimer #2. I love me some Mo’Nique and I am extremely proud of this sister, but…

If you watched Mo’Nique’s special edition with The Game cast you heard her admit that the emails were flowing in and people were asking why she was being so loud. And it’s not just Mo’Nique, It’s Wendy Williams, on her show, and if you watch The View you’ll be plugging your ears when Sherri and Whoopi raise the decibels a few bars.

So what is it? Why are these women talking so loud, yelling and screaming to be heard? It depends on who you ask. Of course with the reality shows the reason is ratings. The more drama created the more people tune in. In the case of the women on The View, if you were trying to have an intelligent conversation with Elisabeth Hasselbeck you’d probably have to yell also if you hoped to get a word in. What is it with that chick?

According to Mo’Nique, she doesn’t mean to be so loud but she is so excited when she walks out on the stage that she can’t help herself. I can buy into this, but it doesn’t stop at the opening, it goes on and on throughout the show. I even find myself looking at the guest for their reactions and lately I’ve noticed a transformation. No, not in Mo’Nique, but her guest. They are getting just as loud as her. Is it contagious? Are they getting loud subconsciously or are they doing it to mock the host?

Whatever the reason, sisters can we just tone it down? It doesn’t take all of that, plus, it feeds into the negative stereotypes Black women already face. Plus, your message gets lost because people tune out what you’re saying and begin to focus on how you are saying it.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!" and the upcoming release, "Love...Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day."

Every time I see a celebrity/athlete/politician, etc, in the media apologizing for being caught in the act of being human I cringe. I by no means condone their behavior but as I watched singer Chris Brown bumbling through an ill-planned public apology on Larry King Live last Wednesday night I couldn't help but wonder why he or any other public person feel they need to apologize to anyone other than the party they harmed by their actions. Chris Brown owes Rihanna an apology. His forgiveness can only come from Rihanna and God. Not you and not me.

I am reminded of the "I am Not Your Role Model" commercial Charles Barkley did for Nike (click here) what seems like a lifetime ago. In the commercial Sir Charles lets the world know "I'm not paid to be a role model. I'm paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court."  The media obviously did not buy into this notion because some 15 or more years later celebrities are expected to apologize for their personal conduct because they are in the public eye and children are watching.

As a parent, I taught my daughters to keep their hands to themselves. No one should ever put their hands on them, male or female; and if they are in a relationship and their mate strikes them once, it is one time too many and they need to cut their losses. By instilling in them that a man who hits you doesn't love you, and raising them in a home free of domestic violence, they in turn do not need Chris Brown to acknowledge he was wrong because they knew he was the second the story broke.

Chris Brown is a singer, if it were not for his ability to entertain he would be non-existent in most of our lives. His job is to sing, dance, and entertain. At the end of the day he has a home, family, and personal interest just like the rest of us. All of us at some point and time have done something that was out of character, or embarrassing, or hurtful, or even criminal to someone else. In most cases we may have apologized to the parties involved, but rarely if ever are we required to stand before family, colleagues, church, or community and apologize under the guise that we have an image to uphold, we're setting a bad example for the kids, or we have to let the world know our actions are not acceptable. Instead, we get to go about our business amongst our youth, our peers, and our elders setting the real examples they are likely to follow.

What are we really teaching our children, that the only people held accountable for misbehaving badly are celebrities? Although Mr. Jones beat Mrs. Jones last night, he does not have to apologize to his family, his neighbors, his employer, because he's not famous. At the end of the day when it's all said and done, does anyone really care about Chris Brown or any other celebrity's apology? Are our lives any better or worse because they apologize? Did we do anything different, like leave an abusive relationship, volunteered at a battered woman's shelter, or made a personal commitment to stop being a batterer or victim, as a result of his apology? Probably not.

So tell me, exactly who does the apology benefit anyway.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!" and soon to be released "Love?Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day."

When I made the decision a year ago to pull down my manuscript, dust it off, and self-publish, I had no idea I would b expected to give-up a portion of my identity. For as long as I can remember, I have loved to read. I buy books, read them, and then discuss them with other readers. The same is true regarding almost anything that places someone?s creativity on display. I believe the reason most people share their talents with the world, is to not only entertain the masses but receive accolades for their efforts. But how does one aspire to greatness if there is no objectivity in the reviews they receive? How do they improve on their craft if all feedback contains the pluses and never the minuses? What I have come to learn is that once I added author to my résumé I relinquished my right to have an opinion, to express my likes or dislikes, to critique, or respond to criticism. It seems, as an author, I am only expected to say how great something or someone is, and avoid conversations where authors are being ridiculed. Or risk being labeled a hater, negative, dream-killer, jealous, or having a bad attitude.

I am by no means a hater, however, I do have a habit of critiquing things, especially when I have spent my hard earned money on it, and invested my time (which I consider to be valuable) to support whatever the venture may be. Therefore, in my mind, I have just as much right to say I either enjoyed it or didn?t enjoy it, and why. Does that make me negative, a dream-killer, or even jealous? No it does it, as with anything in life, it?s not what you do (say) but how you do (say) it. I applaud anyone who has a dream and is passionate enough about it to invest their time to pursue it. Just because I don?t like one particular project does not mean I won?t support their next, or that I don?t respect their work. And let?s face it, some things just aren?t our cup of tea.

I?ve also learned that not only am I not supposed to express an opinion I am to stay silent as others degrade and belittle authors in general. I never knew people had such a negative view of authors. Recently, while surfing the internet, I came across a site called DearAuthor.com. They had a blog titled ?10 author promotional don?ts.? This caught my eye because as a newbie I wanted to know what to avoid. I don?t really remember the list but the reader comments, and there were a lot of them, really caught me off guard. Some things I did agree with, like authors shouldn?t take reviews personally, and authors should not interject their book into conversations not related to their book, or authors shouldn?t join sites for the sole purpose of promoting their work. But by the time I got 5 or 6 reads into the posts, it turned into an ?everything I hate about authors,? free for all.

On another occasion, I was listening to an on-line radio show. The topic was on the importance of editing. Now I admit I missed the first half-hour of the show which may have attributed to the atmosphere, but about 5 minutes after tuning in, an author called in to express his displeasure with one of the members of the panel. His book had been edited by one of the show guest and once it was released he learned it was full of errors. I do not believe he chose the ideal forum to express his views, but perhaps he had tried other avenues with no results. What was even more unfortunate was the turn the show took. For the remaining 45 minutes, I listened to an unprofessional, one-sided dialog berating authors and our misguided perception of our work. I logged off that evening feeling the same way I had after reading the aforementioned blog, asking myself, why in the world did I pursue this dream.

Having witnessed so much negativity towards authors, especially those who have self-published, I wonder why it is that we are the ones being told to be quiet and just write, get thicker skin or find another hobby, while others pummel us with negativity and treat us as if we aren?t human, as if they loathe our very existence. I will probably never know the answer but I do not plan on allowing it to stifle my growth because when I receive the accolades of those who have read my book, I am reminded that it is the appreciation of my work, from the reader I am seeking and not the acceptance of someone who has absolutely no control over my success or failure. I have a lot to say, and most will be in the form of a book, but on the occasion that it?s not, remember, I?m human and have the right to think, feel, and say, what I choose, as long as it is constructive and not meant to belittle. It doesn?t make me a hater, a dream-killer, or jealous, it just means, like you, I have an opinion, and exercise the option to express it.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of ?He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!?

Happy 4th of July! With summer upon us so is the tradition of Family Reunions. It?s time to travel to grandma?s house or the hometown of our parents beginnings. I wonder, and maybe you have too, what would happen to the family relationship if there were no family reunions. What if family members just went about their lives as they grew older, started families and moved about the country, or even the world, and never looked back?

In reality, that is what many people do already and the numbers seem to be growing. There was a time when people felt such a connection to their family that even though they may have moved to another city or state, they still longed for home, and the favorite dish of their mother's, regardless of any negative events that may have occurred through the years. I guess with the induction of the "Dysfunctional Family," and talk show hosts telling us that although we didn't pick the families we were born into; we can surely choose not to deal with them?it is easier for people to move on and not look back.

Several years ago, during a conversation with some friends, I mentioned that my relationship with my paternal side of the family was almost non-existent compared to that of my maternal family. We all agreed that we had the same feelings but no answer as to why. This strange phenomenon seems to be repeated everywhere, and I have no idea as to why, do you? Surely our paternal family is just as vibrant, inspiring, and important as our maternal side.

Growing up I had a strong sense of family. I loved being with my cousins, traveling during the summer to visit my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and more cousins. We were all very close at one time but that seems to have changed. We no longer gather for holiday dinners at each others homes, barbecues, or impromptu gatherings because someone is home for the weekend. The biggest disappointment in all of this is that our children will not experience the kinship we once had nor will their children know the true meaning of having a large extended family.

As I try to decide if I will attend my family reunion at the end of the month, I decided to come up with a list of reasons why someone would not attend their family reunion. These are not necessarily my personal feelings or experiences with my own family, but mainly observations from listening to others and reading personal experiences that have been posted throughout cyberworld. The list below is in no particular order in terms or importance.

1. The last reunion I attended I didn't know (enter percentage) of the people there.
2. We're in a recession and I can?t justify spending (enter amount) dollars to travel across the country to spend time with people I will not see or hear from again until the next family reunion.
3. I live less than (enter number) miles from many of my family members and never hear from or see them, so why should I travel to another city/state to bond with them once a year.
4. I am never invited to special occasions, I learn about my family member's weddings, births, graduations, etc by chance when I log into Facebook or Twitter.
5. Family reunions are just an excuse to eat and drink, not an opportunity to bond and build relationships, so I am not going to risk my weight loss success.
6. In past years, when I attended family reunions we end up divided into groups of people that we associate with on a regular basis anyway, and never get to know distant cousins and other relatives who have traveled great distances to be here, so what?s the point?
7. I don?t get along with (enter name) whose planning this year's reunion, so I'm boycotting.
8. (Name city) is where we always have our reunion and I refuse to attend another one held there.
9. I don't like where the reunion is being held this year, they should have picked another location with more to offer visitors.
10. My family hates my mate so I am not going to put him/her through that ordeal again. Besides, their family reunions are much better.
11. (Enter name) will be there and I refuse to be in the same room, let alone city with that?..
12. I wasn?t invited. (wow)

If you can relate to any of the above or most of the above it may be a good idea to do a self-inspection and ask yourself why. To have a strong family, we have to be a strong family member. We can't sit back and say what someone else isn?t doing when we aren't doing those very things ourselves.

I recently embarked on a project to help strengthen my family connection. I have been so intrigued by ning.com that I decided to create a family website. Getting others to share my enthusiasm has been slow but I am not yet ready to throw in the towel. I will continue to move forward and pull them in one relative at a time, knowing that in the end as the family reunion dwindles in importance, my family will still have a place to connect and share, forever keeping our lives intertwined.

Before I go, I would be remiss if I did not give you a list of reasons why you should attend your family reunion. So here goes?

1.  Family is family, good, bad, or indifferent; we can't escape them because no matter how far you travel they are who you are, they are your DNA, and had it not been for family, you wouldn't be who you are today, good, bad, or indifferent. So go ahead and embrace your roots, you never know, this may be the last time you have to see (enter name), taste (enter favorite dish), or travel to (name city).

That's not all I came up with, but honestly, that's the real reason any of us attend our family reunions, that and the fact that we sincerely love those people called our family.

Much Love,

Tracy

Beyonce? Knowles recorded a song on her debut CD Dangerously In Love entitled Daddy. No matter how many times I listen to this song, by the end I am in tears. This song captures every emotion I feel for my own Father. (To listen, visit Tracy ?s Book Club.) Anyone who knows me knows that no other man on this earth could ever replace the man God brought forth to be my dad?which is probably why I have never been married. He has set the bar so high?LOL

My dad is the epitome of fatherhood. He and my mother have been married for almost forty-six years, and although time has taken its toll and my dad has suffered several strokes and is in a constant battle with high blood pressure and diabetes, he still wants to be the head of his household and provide protection and comfort for his family.

Growing up, not once did I ever imagine I would come home and my dad wouldn?t be there. I never worried about being hungry or homeless, or not having clothes on my back. I can not remember what age I was when I realized that not all children had fathers like my dad; not all children had dads in their home; and not all children had dads who loved and provided for them the way our dad loved and provided for us. The notion that a man could bring a child into this world and just walk away was unthinkable to me. But as I grew older and made new friends I saw firsthand that this was a reality for many. As an adult, I will not deal with a man who does not play an active (physical and emotional) role in the lives of his children, whether it?s one or ten. To me that is a serious and major character flaw. I will go so far as to say I truly believe it should be a federal offense for a man (or woman) to walk away from his responsibilities as a father. I mean think about it, it is a crime to abandon an animal but people walk away from their kids everyday?but I digress.

As we approach Father?s Day, June 21st, many will share memories of their fathers, some who have left us and some who are still here. I like to keep my memories of my dad close to heart. I like to remember the way he would wake us up fore day in the morning to get up and get ready for school. I like to remember how he would take my sisters and I to the 7-11 convenience store that use to be located on fifth avenue north and buy us whatever candy we wanted. I was partial to Mary Jane?s (peanut butter logs) and Boston Baked Beans, and my sister Cynthia loved Chico Sticks and Lemonheads. Then there were the Slurpees. I still buy them to this day.

My dad didn?t just spoil us rotten with candy treats. He also was available to take us to doctor appointments and when I was cutting up in school he would show up to get me out of trouble. I think because our parents provided so well for us we did not misbehave too often. But when we did, they would sit us down and give us a good talking too. Now, this doesn?t mean my dad would not put a belt to our behinds but I only remember having that unfortunate experience once. My sister and her best-friend back in the day will never let me live this experience down. My dad had allowed us to tag along with him to the W.T Grant store. For you newbie?s, that was the Wal-Mart or yesteryear. My dad made it very clear that we could not get anything but I was determined to prove him wrong.

We arrived at the store and I immediately headed to the toy aisle. There I found my favorite, a book of paper dolls. I placed the booklet in the basket and my dad took it out, reminding me that I could not get anything. When he wasn?t looking I placed them back in the basket. This went on throughout the store. When we reached the check-out line and the cashier picked up those paper dolls my dad was through. He paid for the booklet and we headed for the car. On the way home I took the booklet out the bag and began removing the dolls and the clothing. We reached our house and my dad, sister, and her friend exited, leaving me with my dolls. I finally made my way out of the car and into the house; and waiting behind the front door was my dad, with belt in hand. He tore my little behind up that day and I will never ever forget that whipping?.remember, my sister and a friend (now cousin-in-law) won?t let me....LOL

Well aside from that near traumatic experience, life went on in the Darity household. My dad continued to be a great provider, father, and husband, family vacations to Florida Theme Parks, and to see family in Tallahassee rolled on. But as with most, children turn into teenagers, and teenagers turn into young adults and young adults become parents. Through all the growth spurts, trials, tribulations, and triumphs, the one constant has been the love of my dad. He taught me how to mow the laugh, fix the pipes, hang a light, and so much more. And before his illnesses took a toll he helped me with my daughter who has Autism. Putting her on and taking her off the bus. Watching her while I worked or hung-out with friends. I am so grateful for my dad not for just being my dad but for being a wonderful grandfather to my children and showing them the same love, understanding, and commitment that he showed his own kids.

I wish with all my heart and soul that each of you reading this blog grew-up with a dad who was as great as mine, but I know that will not be the case. So I pray that somewhere along the way you were fortunate enough to be exposed to someone who thought it not an inconvenience to share a part of himself to make you feel loved. It could be a grandparent, an uncle, a brother, or even your husband. If not, then recognize that you have a Father in Heaven who is always there for you.

Daddy, we love you so much, not just Father?s Day but everyday. When I look back over my life I would change many things but not one of them involves you. You are the very best.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves me He Loves Me Not!

You can contact Tracy at info@TracyLDarity.com

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April is Autism Awareness Month.

Twenty-two years ago I gave birth to my daughter Jasmin. She was a sweet gentle spirit that did not cause much fuss. She was content lying in her crib for hours, mesmerized by the Winnie the Pooh mobile dangling above. At the time I was so happy. I was twenty-three and had no clue that my life was about to change in more ways than one. At nine months Jasmin suffered an unexplainable seizure. By age two she was said to be Autistic. I had no idea what Autisim was or what it would mean to our lives as we knew it.

I continued to treat Jasmin the same as I did my other daughter who is two years older. She learned to walk, drink from a cup, feed herself, and even was potty trained. The only thing separating her progress from that of other children her age was, she did not talk. She would gesture her needs, pointing and pulling and moving about. When she turned three, she was moved from the center known as PARC (Pinellas Association For Retarded Children?a horrible name, but a wonderful facility), and placed in public school. The same school she will graduate from this June.

Through the years Jasmin has received both Speech and Occupational Therapy. While other children were being taught sign language, I was told that Jasmin was capable of speaking but just refused to. By teaching her sign language we would be hindering her from ever wanting to speak. To this day the only fluent word Jasmin has ever spoken is ?mama.? As someone once said to me, ?isn?t that the most important word?? ?

I don?t know if my youth helped me through the years or if it was hope beyond all hope that one day she would just snap out of it. What I do know is that she has been a source of happiness throughout our lives that give true meaning to the saying, ?don?t sweat the small stuff.? Jasmin is the happiest most carefree person I have known. She has a jubilant spirit and contagious smile plastered across her face at all times. She makes us laugh when we don?t want to laugh and gives us a sense of joy when we are feeling blue. Her favorite things are hugs, kisses, the Game Show Network, and any channel, (TV or Radio) that communicates in Spanish. She loves to sing, humming her favorite songs so clearly that deep down inside you know if she would just try hard enough she could open her mouth and enunciate the words.

I would be remised if I led you to believe that everyday has been a great day. There have been some days through the years when I thought my heart would break from disappointment and embarrassment. Days like when my daughter graduated from high school and family and friends had gathered at The Cheesecake Factory. We took Jasmin to the restroom and she through a fit. Management, patrons, and family did everything to calm her down. Then as quickly as the spell came over her it went away. And there was the time we were in Miami and we decided to go to the mall. Jasmin carried on so badly that emergency officials were called. The Sheriffs Deputy approached and Jasmin took her hand and walked off like she didn?t know us. Thirty minutes later she was laughing and trying to drown us in hugs and kisses. As trying as these moments have been they no way outweigh the good days.

About two years ago while giving Jasmin her bath, she collapsed. It was quite a scare. She was taken to All Children?s Hospital (the best in the world) and after numerous tests was found to be in perfect health. They attributed the fainting spell to the room and water temperature, plus the fact that she had not eaten yet. We were to follow-up with a neurologist a few weeks later, which we did. After running several tests on Jasmin we were called into the Neurologists office. He asked me how I knew Jasmin was Autistic, who diagnosed her, what tests did they run, etc. He then went on to tell me that all of her brain activity was normal. I joked, ?So are you saying she isn?t Autistic?? His response left me speechless. He replied in a very matter-of-fact tone, ?Well I guess since you have raised her for eighteen years to be Autistic then at this point she is Autistic.? I wanted to know what could be done to make her whole, and in that same tone he replied, ?At this point nothing really.?

I think that day was more surreal than the day she was initially diagnosed. Back then I did not have a clear understanding of what Autism really meant. On this day I was overwhelmed by the knowledge of knowing what it is and knowing that my daughter may have been forced to be this way due to my lack of knowledge and the lack of information provided back then.

When I read the statistics on Autism and the number of children affected by this disease, I can?t help but wonder how many have been placed under this umbrella because the Doctors and other specialist don?t have the right answers or training. I pray that more studies are conducted and research is funded to cure this disease. And if someone tells you that your child has Autism, please get a second, third, forth, and fifth opinion.

Now, I know some of you may be wondering about the title of my blog. Well, remember I told you that Jasmin can hum songs so clearly that you can almost hear the words. If you ask her to sing you a song, she immediately goes into a lively rendition of the childhood tune, ?The Is The Song That Never Ends.? The song is so fitting because life with Jasmin has been a journey that just keeps repeating itself and the love she has is endless.

This is the song that never ends,

it just goes on and on my friends

Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,

and they'll continue singing it forever just because...

(repeat the chorus over and over and over)

Tracy L. Darity is the Author of ?He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!?

Much Love,

Tracy

www.TracyLDarity.com

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"A friend is someone who knows your favorite song and can sing it back to you long after the words have faded from your memory."