Teganjaz Books Presents... Author, Tracy L. Darity

What happens when you have a group of well-to-do middle-aged women acting like the twenty-something cast of Oxygen’s hit reality show The Bad Girls Club? You get the Bravo hit, The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I admit I am addicted to Reality TV. I watch it all, from MTV’s The Hill’s, to TLC's Cake Boss, and everything in between. But nothing has unnerved me like the July 12th episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. As a woman of a certain age, 45 if you must know, I was unable to relate to the outlandish behavior of these women.

The shows only focus seems to be on the past life of victim/villain (depending on whose side you’re on) Danielle Staub. The story picks up last season when the Manzo Family decided Staub was not good enough to travel in their circle. Soon rumors of her past life surfaced and a book written by an Ex was resurrected from the backlist. Now here we are in season 2 and the situation has escalated to verbal taunts, physical attacks, and lines drawn in the sand by friends, community members, and even their kids. You see, no one seems to be immune from this virus.

It has been said that perception is 9/10th’s of our reality. Therefore, if a person perceives something to be true their actions will reflect their beliefs. Danielle believes Caroline Manzo had it out for her from day one. Caroline counters that she knew Danielle was trouble from the start. If ever there was a case study for systematic bullying, this would be it to the nth degree. The players are all here, we have the Queen Bee (Caroline Manzo); she picks up a couple of flunkies (sister Dina, who has since left the show; and sidekick Teresa Giudice) and the target of their ostracism (Danielle). But hold-up, no mean-girls story would be complete without the Pollyanna, (Jacqueline Laurita) who tried her best to focus on the good in Staub against the Manzo’s admonitions. The personalities, the uncouth behavior, juvenile tendencies, outside instigator’s (the 2 Kim’s) and Laurita’s daughter Ashley (whom I think would do quite well on The Bad Girls Club), thrown into the mix; and you have the recipe for the perfect storm. 

As viewers young and old weighed in and picked sides I couldn’t help but think this is so high school; no make that middle school or even elementary. But wait, these aren’t kids; they are grown women, mothers, and wives behaving badly. Even as Caroline tries to come across as the oh mighty wise one, she loses credibility as she tries to hide her snickers, and throws her motherly instincts out with the trash as she sympathizes with Ashley. What is this teaching our children, and I wonder who, besides me, used this as a teaching moment to show just how far bullying can go. How many parents pointed out to their kids that no matter what someone has done in their past or is doing now, you don’t have the right to verbally assault them, chase them down in public while screaming hurtful accusations, and under no circumstance is it okay to physically attack someone. Yes, pulling someone’s hair out, whether real or extensions, is physical assault, as Ashley learned the hard way. The method for dealing with people you don’t like is not to deal with them at all.

I guess it’s safe to say that in the world of reality TV, all is fair in the name of ratings, even if it leads to violence or the mental breakdown of a cast member. The smart thing for Danielle to do is remove herself from this volatile situation. She can’t beat these women at this game of calculated mayhem because they will continue to destroy her mental psyche bit by bit. The best way to unseat a bully is simply to walk away and let them believe they have won. By being the bigger woman and walking away to give 100% of her attention to her own two daughters, Danielle will not only show she does have the class she wants us to believe she possesses, but she will leave the others exposed as the pathetic, manipulative, socially inept women they truly are. They have all had the opportunity since the taping of the current season’s episodes to redeem themselves, but it appears they are riding high on their heightened reality fame and as long as viewers keep the ratings up, Bravo is inclined to bring us what we’re begging for…a distraction from our real worlds, even if it is at the risk of showing our children a side of their parents that shouldn’t exist.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the award-winning novel but He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and her controversial second release Love...Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day. For additionalinformation please vist www.TracyLDarity.com.

(c) Tracy L. Darity

When many of us awoke last Tuesday morning we were shocked by the news that two Tampa police officers had been gunned down overnight during a routine traffic stop, that turned out to be anything but routine. Officers Jeffrey Kocab and David Curtis, each died from a single gunshot to the head. A gun, we are told, that was fired by 24 year-old Dontae Morris. For four days a joint effort of various law enforcement agencies participated in a search for Morris that expanded as far as Jacksonville, Florida. During this time period we learned that Morris, who has an arrest record, may have done this heinous act to avoid going back to jail on an outstanding warrant; or even worse, he may be connected to three additional unsolved murders.

Dontae Morris, when it’s all said and done, will most likely face the death penalty for his actions early Tuesday morning; but those actions not only took the lives of those two officers, and ruined his own life, but along the way he ensnarled others in his vicious web.

When news of the story broke, we learned that Officer Curtis stopped a Toyota Camry driven by Cortnee Brantley, a 22 year-old female. According to reports, after Morris exited the vehicle at the request of the officers and fired the fatal shots, Brantley sped off. When she was later picked up by police she was uncooperative. It was later learned after her arrest on Federal charges that shortly after the shooting she spoke with Morris. We can all sit back and play Monday morning quarterback and say what we would have done in that same situation. But lets be honest, how many of us would ever think that we would be riding down the street one minute and the next witness our companion murder two people (cops at that) in cold blood. A million things could have been running through Cortnee’s mind before, during, and after those fatal moments. Now a week later, and facing four years in Federal prison, I am sure, like Heather Headley croons in her 2002 hit I Wish I Wasn’t, she wishes she could go back to the day before she met Dontae Morris, and skip her regrets.

Over the past week several people found themselves facing the ire of law enforcement, including Morris brother Dwayne Calloway and his girlfriend Alaina Riggins. Both were arrested at a local motel and held on various charges including cocaine and marijuana possession. Grant it, these are no angels and they do not deserve any sympathy on our parts, but lets face it, had Morris not done the unthinkable, no one really would have cared about Calloway’s outstanding warrants on domestic violence or violations of parole. Nor would Riggins mother, a 10-year employee of the Tampa Police Department, be on an unpaid suspension facing termination. Talk about guilt by association.

Carolyn Riggins, according to Police Chief Jane Castor, knew her daughter Alaina was in a relationship with Dwayne Calloway and failed to disclose this information. Excuse me Chief Castor, but is that information you would want the world to know. Dwayne Calloway was not wanted for the murders, now was Riggins daughter involved. I would even go out on a limb and say there have been many crimes committed in Tampa, and city employees, even some police officers, are connected to those offenders. Some call it six degrees of separation…for every person you know, you are connected to them by at least six other people. I don’t know Carolyn Riggins personally, but I am quite sure that her daughter, had she been in contact with Morris, was not running home to tell her mom all about it.

As a woman I know all too well about being in love with the wrong guy. If I thought long and hard about it, I probably could recall a time or two that my own mother warned me that nothing good was going to come of that relationship. I also can tell you that I probably have done some things in the name of love that will go to the grave with me, and my mother will never be the wiser. In the end, we all make foolish mistakes, we all have regrets, and we all have handled things in a way that with time we realize would have had a better outcome if we had done things differently. The bottom line is, Dontae Morris pulled the trigger that killed those two police officers, and he alone should be held accountable. When Cortnee Brantley left her apartment in the early hours of June 29th, she had no clue her life was about to change so drastically.

Caroyn Riggins and Mischell Brantley, like so many mothers probably did their best in raising their daughters, but when law enforcement knocked on their doors they felt they had been trapped in a very bad dream. As the mother of three daughters I do my best to teach them right from wrong, to always consider the consequences of their actions, and to make serious observation of the company that they keep. Like others, I pray my lessons sink in, and they always do the right thing, but as history has shown time and time again, it doesn’t take much to get caught in the web of someone else’s wickedness.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the award winning author of the novel “He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!” and the controversial “Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.”

To connect with Tracy visit:

www.TracyLDarity.com

www.TracyLDarity.ning.com

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(c) Tracy L. Darity 2010

If you watch the news, read the paper or listen to talk radio, you’d think the worse crisis facing America is the Gulf Oil Spill that has birds, fish, and beach shores covered in the thick gooey brown stuff, and a moratorium banning offshore drilling for 6 months. You’d never know that we are edging closer to the next Great Depression.

For the third time in the past two weeks the Senate has failed to pass H.R. 4213 – The American Workers, State, and Business Relief Act of 2010, better known as the Tax Extenders Bill or the Unemployment Compensation Bill. Confusing is the lack of coverage by the mainstream media, and more surprising the almost non-existent outrage from President Obama and his administration. The previous bill extending emergency benefits to America’s 15 million unemployed workers expired in May. Emergency benefits are federally funded unemployment compensation in addition to the regular 26 weeks of State benefits. Those on unemployment who reach a zero balance in their current tier of benefits will no longer receive unemployment payments. The last extensions were given to those who reached a zero balance on or before June 2nd.

That’s some 1 million American citizens that have lost their jobs due to no fault of their own, who have been cut off completely. Most states don’t notify employees that benefits have ended. The displaced workers claim their weeks and the money just never shows up. This number is expected to grow nationwide by an estimated 300,000 each week. And, some say it doesn’t include the “99ers,” the term given to unemployed works that have already exhausted the maximum number of weeks to receive emergency benefits, which is 99. Last week the “99ers” attempted to present a request to President Obama to sign an Executive Order to bypass the bickering Senators and grant them an extension. It will be interesting to see how that turns out.

The Democrat led Senate, states they now have the votes to pass the extender bill, which includes a myriad of other items, such as extending the start date on a 21% decrease in payments to Medicaid physicians to November 30th, proposed incentives to small business to encourage them to hire new workers, and changes to prevent manufacturers from shipping more jobs overseas. However, the Republicans, with the help of one Democrat are blocking the passage by engaging in a Filibuster.

If you are like the mainstream media and turning your head to this issue, beware, there may be something in this bill that affects you. For instance, an extension of stimulus money to fund additional policemen, teachers, and community programs; an extension to the home-buyers program that would have given new home buyers more time to close on their loans and receive the home-buyers tax credit; and there are plans to do away with the advances to low-income families who qualify for the earned income credit;. Also affected is the COBRA subsidy to assist those wishing to continue their healthcare coverage, as well as the additional $25 a week unemployed workers were receiving in addition to their regular unemployment. But most important is that today it may be your neighbor facing this horrific and bleak existence, but tomorrow it could be you. 

If you ask those voting against passing this bill, why are they willing to kick those already down, they will argue that the deficit is out of control and they refuse to add anymore spending to it. As you may have imagined, this is a costly bill. I believe in its original form it came to roughly $118 billion in additional spending. But when you consider the billions paid to bail out Wall Street, the banking industry, to pay for two pointless wars and the 100’s of millions given to other nations to help stabilize their economies, is this really a valid argument?

Several Senators even argue that extended unemployment benefits is just another form of welfare and the unemployed would rather sit at home and collect a check opposed to going out and getting a job. Obviously, these Senators haven’t talked to the family that has lost a substantial income that sometimes falls into the 6 figure range. I am sure that person with $10K in monthly expenses is thrilled to be sitting at the house collecting anywhere from $1000 -$1800 a month in unemployment. And let’s keep in mind that unemployment compensation is actually funded by taxes paid by the employed, so someone who worked 20 or 30 years, surely is entitled to these benefits.

With 15 million people currently unemployed and job creation virtually non-existent, it is hard to comprehend what the unemployed are suppose to do until the job situation changes in this country. Everyday more and more jobs are going overseas, while the corporations sending them there enjoy tax breaks and record earnings. So while your friends, neighbors, family members or perhaps even you, try to figure out how to keep homes (whether renting or buying), how to put food on the table, keep the lights on and water running, gas in the car, if the car hasn’t been repossessed; know that your elected officials would rather discuss the oil on gulf beaches, the high school in their district that made state champions, the neighbor whose son or daughter just received this or that award, or whatever else comes to mind; rather than how to keep the citizens who voted them into office from losing everything they have, including hope, and eventually their minds.

Perhaps the media will begin covering this story when the desperation of those who have exhausted all options, begin to act out their despair in violent manners. Just think about the guy who committed suicide today because he had lost his livelihood due to the Gulf spill. He actually had options, the long-term unemployed do not.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the award winning novel, "He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!" and "Love...Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day."  For more information visit www.TracyLDarity.com and www.TracyLDarity.ning.com.

(c) Tracy L. Darity 2010

A couple of months ago, after I had dropped my daughter off at tennis practice I found myself sitting at a traffic light with tears streaming down my face…uncontrollable tears that didn’t seem to have any end. Prior to reaching the traffic signal, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before. The lyrics were so beautiful but more than anything they ministered to what I was feeling at that very moment. The song, “Long As There is You,” by The McClurkin Project say’s, if there were no gates of pearl, if there were no streets of gold, if there was no other world, in a land where we won't grow old…I'm not thinking about those sites, won't be there to enjoy the view, I think Heaven will be alright, just as long as You’re there, as long as there is You.

My daddy passed away October 10, 2009, and for the first time in my life I asked myself, “What if there is no Heaven?” I have loved the Lord for as long as I can remember. I have always put my trust in Him. I know He is real because there is no other explanation for how I have been able to deal with the loss of my earthly father. As a little girl, even into my early adult life, I use to ask God to let me die before my daddy because I just didn’t think I could bear living without him. But here it is some 8 months later and my Heavenly Father continues to console me and reassure me that everything is going to be alright.

Growing up we were taught never to question God, just trust and obey. But it is simply human nature to wonder about the things that are unseen. One thing that has always plagued me is the concept that when we die and go to heaven there will be no more suffering, no more heartache, and most important, we will see our loved ones again. The thing for me has been; what if your loved one doesn’t go to heaven. Will there be no remembrance of that person? Will they cease to exist in our psyche, and if not, wouldn’t that cause heartache?

Now don’t get me wrong, I believe with all my heart and soul that my daddy is going to Heaven, and I pray that I will be there with him one day. I recall talking to a friend after his death and I asked him some of these questions and he said to me, “I believe when we die we are just dead, that there is nothing else, no rapture, no Heaven, no nothing.” I thought his comments were callous and cold-hearted, and even frightening coming from someone who professed to be a Christian and attend church on a regular basis. Of late, it seems that no matter where I turn there is some contradiction to the whole concept of Heaven and an afterlife. It makes the healing process that much harder because as with most of us, we want to go to Heaven and see our loved ones again.

;I keep my daddy’s memory stored safely in my heart where I can feel his presence at will. The song ends with, when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be, when we all see Jesus, we will sing and shout the victory. I hold steadfast that there is a Heaven and it will be that much better because my daddy will be there too.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there, I love you and wish you a wonderfully Blessed day!

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the award winning author of “He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!” and her second novel “ Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.”

© Tracy L. Darity 2010

If you are anything like me and my daughter Shaunte, you were on the edge of the couch, eyes covered, mute button near by, screaming at any angle change on the screen. My daughter Morgan thought it was too much, but I think it was the stuff real dramas are lacking, which may account for the huge number of series cancellations this year. If networks want to win the war against these ridiculous reality shows they need to bring the heat. Maybe not so deadly but definitely energizing our senses and making us want to watch.

Now I am going to be honest, as the show went into hour two my imagination kicked in. It may have been the poor-performing SWAT team that came in to stabilize the situation at Seattle Grace Hospital, or I simply needed a distraction to get my emotions in check. Whatever the reason I began to make a list of who I needed eliminated from the show. I mean, since there was a mad gunman on the loose and it was obvious everyone wasn’t going to make it, why not get rid of some characters that add nothing to the show, or; are hindering your favorites from being together.

 Alex (Justin Chambers): I need Alex to go because his part is boring. He is a mediocre male who doesn’t really think for himself. I liked him better when he was chasing skirts and bedding nurses. Alex needs to go so Lexie (Chyler Leigh) can get back with Mark (Eric Dane) without any interruptions.

Dr. Weber (James Pickens, Jr): They’ve stripped him of his duties as Chief of Staff, he can’t perform surgery because he’s an alcoholic, his wife (Loretta Divine) left him a couple of seasons ago, so what’s left for him? But I do love how he talked that nutcase into completing his mission by taking himself out.

Arizona (Jessica Capshaw) and Callie (Sara Ramirez): Of all the hook-ups in Grey’s history, these two have to be the most annoying couple in the shows history. I do not get their purpose. Arizona lacks any type of personality and Callie is so lost and confused on her identity that it is a distraction. Callie can stay if her and Mark could hook-up, but then what would happen with Lexie. I guess Alex could live and they could go off together into the horizon. Hhmmmm.

Owen (Kevin McKidd): This guy is sexy in a creepy kind of way. I like him with Christina (Sandra Oh). Then again, I like Christina with any man who can penetrate her soft side. What I can’t take is an indecisive man. How about this, make Christina and Teddy (Kim Raver) the token gay couple?

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo): I know, I know, the story is actually centered on the life of Meredith Grey, who grew-up at Seattle Grace because her mother was a great surgeon there and life-long love of Dr. Weber, etc… It may not even be the character that annoys me to the nth degree as much as the actress herself. Or maybe it is that mouth of hers. Not the words coming out of it but the mouth itself, the lips, the overbite, the pushing of the tongue to the roof of the mouth. I need her self-centeredness to stop being okay, and for her to, ughhh, I don’t know. Can someone just call in casting so her role can be given to someone else?

Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and Love...Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.  For more information visit www.TracyLDarity.com.

The mother/daughter relationship is one of the most intricate relationships known to mankind, regardless of ethnic background or culture. It differs greatly from that of mother and son, and heaven forbid if that daughter is a daddy’s girl because that only complicates things more. What is so weird about the mother daughter bond is that no matter what transpires between the two, daughters often spend a lifetime desiring a special connection with their mother that is often times hard to express.

As little girls we believe our mothers can cure whatever ails us. She can kiss our booboo’s and make them all better. She can explain everything and is our biggest supporter. She finds joy in everything we do, and the highlight of her life seemed to be receiving those handmade gifts like the rickety clay pot, the macaroni decorated picture framed with popsicle sticks, and the card with the images from the latest fashion magazine pasted to colored construction paper that depicted our image of her.

By the time we’re nine or ten we’ve decided there is no one else in the world we’d rather be. We begin to emulate our mothers. We want to know what she knows and do what she does. My mother use to sew when I was younger and nothing compared to going downtown to Sierkese Fabrics, where we would shop for patterns in those huge books by McCall’s, Butterick, Simplicity and Vogue, and then pick out our fabrics and accessories, then home we would go to create our fashions. Second to that was putting together those 1000+ piece jigsaw puzzles.

If you asked me today if my mom and I have much in common my immediate reply would probably be no. But if I thought about it, I’d have to admit we have a lot in common, aside from our past passion of sewing. As I was working in my youngest daughter bedroom recently, I had to stop and laugh. I love to decorate, and love to create unique settings, just like my mom use to. I suddenly remembered when I was younger; my mom designed a room for my sister and me. The walls were painted black and white stripe using 3 inch wide masking tape (I remember that tape because it was so much fun pulling it down and seeing the straight lines it created). She had my dad build this huge box (for some reason I think it was painted blue), and I am talking a 4ft wooden cube. It was pushed into the corner and our twin beds were pushed up against the sides creating headboards. We then placed books, a lamp and whatever else on the top of the cube. I loved that room then, but now I am thinking, mama what was that all about…LOL Believe it or not, I saw a similar room a few years ago in a decorating magazine.

For some of us, something transpires around the teen years and we suddenly draw a line in the sand and dare our moms to cross it. At this place in time she can no longer just be the mom we loved since birth, who guided us and protected us and taught us the things we needed to know. No, at this moment she has to fit into an illusion of grandeur that we have created in our minds and if she sways just the slightest she is voted off our island until she is capable of proving herself worthy.

Or maybe it’s just our inability to adjust to change. The craziest things remain in our psyche. For me it was my 12th birthday; my mom use to buy me themed cakes for my birthday of whatever character I loved at the time. I waited anxiously for my mom to come home from work because I knew she would have a Strawberry Shortcake character cake for me. But when she unveiled the cake it was white with yellow roses and pineapple filling. I have defined that as the day I decided my mother wasn’t the perfect person I thought she was because she had to have known that act alone would knock my world from its axis and my life would forever be changed. Okay, so I was a little spoiled back then but the point is, something so irrelevant can cause a huge schism between mothers and daughters.

It isn’t that the act causes us to no longer love her or appreciate her; it’s just that we are forced to accept that she is not superwoman, she can’t fix all that ails us, she isn’t equipped to clean-up our big girl messes…or she just no longer chooses to. She has raised us as a good mother should and molded us into the women we are today. The parts of her that we don’t particularly care for, we rebel against instead of accepting it as human nature; and when things go awry society tells us it has to be something she did or didn’t do when we were a child. So I am here to share with you the 10 things my mother never did for me.

1. She never hung-out all night leaving me with strangers or alone.

2. She never physically or verbally abused me.

3. She never left me alone for days to fend for myself.

4. She never placed me in a situation where we were forced to be homeless.

5. She ensured I never went to bed hungry because there was always food in the house.

6. She never went to the school when I was cutting up and cursed out the teachers and the administrators or threatened them with bodily harm.

7. She never brought strange men around me and told me to call him uncle while all along he was molesting me.

8. She never slept with one of my boyfriends and caused me bodily injury while trying to defend her actions.

9. She never became addicted to drugs and when she couldn’t pay the bills bartered me to cover the tab.

10. and; She never showed malice towards me, or called me awful names like b%^$, tramp, etc, or told me that she hated me and regretted the day I was ever born.

Now some of you are probably wondering where in the world I came up with that list. Well all you have to do is pick-up a newspaper or turn on your local news, to witness firsthand the demise of the mother/daughter relationship. It’s amazing that what we think is major gripes about our mothers can become miniscule in comparison to the real issues some women are having with their moms. Therefore, my challenge to you this Mother’s Day is to reflect over this list and if your mom never did any of those things for you, be grateful, and if she’s still alive, call her and tell her that you love her and recognize that she is the best mom she knew how to be, and regardless of her flaws or missteps, you are a better person because of her. And remember, your mother may not be the mother of your dreams, but you can always be that mother to your daughter…then wait for her to become an adult so she can tell you all the things you needed to be and wasn’t.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms of the world! Have a blessed and joyous day.

Much Love,

Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of “He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!” and “Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day.”

www.TracyLDarity.com

www.TracyLDarity.ning.com

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 Over the past month I have shared with you the Love… series, comprising of six blogs on the topic of infidelity in marriage. Today’s blog will be the final in the series. I hope you have enjoyed my musings as well as the excerpts from Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day, my controversial new novel, which deals with many of the topics in the Love… blog series.

Infidelity is either growing in numbers or the stigma of adultery is wearing off because everywhere you look you see or hear about someone being unfaithful to a spouse, and not just the stories about celebrities and politicians flooding the news, but amongst people in our everyday lives. Last night I was watching The Wendy Williams Show and she made a statement that pretty much put the whole infidelity topic into context. While discussing the Naomi Campbell interview with Oprah Winfrey, Wendy said “If you, him (referring to the married man Naomi Campbell is involved with) and his wife were on his yacht and it began to sink and there was only one extra life jacket, who do you think he would give it to? Not you (referring to Naomi Campbell), but his wife, the mother of his kids.” Now this may just be the words of a woman who has experienced her own bought with infidelity but it still doesn’t answer the ago-old question, why do people put up with infidelity.

I received many messages and emails off-line and on various Ning sites, from people who have experienced an affair and found themselves relating to one or more of the topics. So in “It’s Over” I am going to share some of the comments I received.

I kicked off the series with Are You And Your Mate Keeping It 100, a discussion on the importance of both partners bringing 100% of themselves to the relationship to ensure it’s success. Many people agreed that this is a must, but rare.

“If I had known this when my husband proposed I would have said hell no. Had it not been for me giving 100 at all times our marriage wouldn’t have lasted the six years it did.” Trina

“You are so right. I thought 50/50 was the way to go but soon learned it wasn’t enough and that is what killed my marriage. When my husband wasn’t giving his all I didn’t want to give mine either…” Jaynell

“This is something couples don’t understand. Me and my husband have been married for 27 years and it is hard work. My husband lost his job a year ago and I think if our relationship wasn’t so strong we would not have made it. In today’s materialistic society most women would not have been able to pick-up the slack for this long.” Lauren

Next we had First Comes Love Then Comes Marriage Then Comes ____ Pushing A Baby Carriage, which touched on bringing a baby into a struggling marriage and how infidelity affects children.

“In this day and age why would a woman be so stupid as to think having a baby is going to keep a man home?” Lena

“This is nothing new, I remember my dad taking me around his other woman. I loved my dad and didn’t want to upset my mom. It was tough being caught in the middle.” Tomeka

“Kids know what is going on, they are smarter than we think. If your man is cheating don’t stay for the kids just do what is best for you and them. If your mate doesn’t want to stop then you have to leave.” Tina

Part III was Marriage…Life Commitment or Life Sentence? I was surprised by the number of men who had something to say on this topic. One guy on one of my Ning sites actually sent me a picture of a man behind bars. Talk about a picture speaking a thousand words.

“I would have to say life sentence. It’s not that easy to leave especially if kids are involved. If it were I would have been left.” Darryl

“Both, you have to be committed to stay but it does feel like a life sentence when you want to leave but also want to make it work. I’ve been married almost twenty years and don’t want to start over. I guess we’ve become our parents.” Charles

On to Part IV, Maybe Your Spouse Just Isn’t That Into You this had to be the most intense blog in the series. Many women believe that if a man stays in a relationship he has to be into her in some way, or he would leave.

“That’s bullsh%^. If my man isn’t into me he can just leave, no reason to stay.” Belinda

“I disagree. A man may not be happy at home but something is keeping him there. If he was to be honest he loves his wife he just doesn’t know how to get what he wants from her.” Lenay

“This is a lie that some women want to believe to justify being with another woman’s husband. I am going to have to pick-up this book because these postings are off the chain.” Ann

Who Is She And What Is She To You, touched on whether or not a woman knows her man is cheating and what she plans to do about it. This was the most surprising response:

“I would stay there and make his life a living hell.” Dondria

“I knew my husband was cheating I just didn’t know it was with someone I knew. We are still together but it took a lot of forgiving on my part. When I finally figured it out I felt like such a fool.” Lenora

You Call Her Bytch, Ho, Slut and Worse, But What Does He Call Her, pretty much spoke for itself.

“And a whole lot worse is right. I don’t care what he calls her, it doesn’t change what I think about this type of woman.” Shavone

“Women need to recognize because you spoke the truth here. I lost my sister when her husband flipped out when the girl he was cheating with wanted to leave. He killed everybody. It is crazy for people to cheat when they can just leave. If he wanted this woman so bad why couldn’t he just leave my sister? But he wanted his cake and eat it to.” Sonja

Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day affects readers differently. It evokes emotions and gives you something to think about. It is the setting for the perfect storm. Lives become intertwined and caught-up in a raging whirlwind when one man is unable to control his desire for women, other than his wife. A wife who feels she is powerless in taming her husbands bad behavior. A mistress who wants to believe beyond all hope that he will leave his unhappy home for the love she is offering. But like most storms they don’t stay stationery and the aftermath can be devastating. Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day will have you hooked from page one until the explosive ending that no one sees coming. Get your copy today and see just how unlike snow in Florida really is. Yours today for the low price of $14.95.

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the Multicultural Advocacy Literary Groups Living In Color Award for 2009 Best New Author, for her debut novel He Loves Me He Loves Me Not!

Your mate is cheating, you’ve learned her identity, and your first thought is, this low-down, nasty, trick, is screwing my man because she doesn’t have what it takes to get her own man. She has no self-esteem, and lacks self-respect. Your girls are pumping you up, “yeah, she’s a skank, a whore, and you are so much more than she’ll ever be.” The conversations or “war-counsels” as men put it, are open forum for the pinned up anguish and animosity you are felling, but what are you going to do besides name-calling?

It is common for woman to react this way when they learn another woman is involved with their mate. But do you ever wonder what he thinks of her and what adjectives your mate use to describe his chick on the side. Those words could very well determine if you and he can survive his infidelity.

Of course, he probably would never say to you what he is truly feeling, especially if you are spewing these words in the heat of battle, but if you could be the proverbial fly on the wall, you may be amazed at what you would hear. Not all men who cheat do so for the obvious, which is freaky sex. Even if that is his reason, his descriptions still may not equal yours. Whether it’s the couple on Maury, a popular politician, a well-known celebrity, or the guy next door, you never hear them say rude or crass remarks about the other woman. For some reason no one wants to acknowledge that when affairs take place, the parties involved develop feelings, and those feelings are sometimes deeper than the ones he shares with his spouse.

In Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day, LaDamien, the husband, often professes his love for Mya, his mistress. Kim, LaDamien’s wife, is unable to reconcile that her husband feels anything for the woman he is cheating with. Even when Kim strays herself and falls for another man, she is unable to relate her feelings for her new lover, with those her husband is having for his mistress. Could this be because men are deemed as cold, heartless, and unfeeling, while women are considered as caring, nurturing, and unable to detach their emotions when dealing with others?

If you know your mate is being unfaithful, would you take the challenge and ask them to be open and honest and write down three words to best describe what he is feeling for the other woman? Would you be surprised to learn that those words do not match the ones you use? Is it possible that those three words fill in the blanks of the things that you aren’t to him? Once the exercise is over, what would you be willing to do to make sure your mate knew he had those things in you, his wife, and doesn’t need to go in search of what is already there in you?

Now I am not saying that all the things you are feeling about the other woman aren’t true or justified but the bottom line is, what is taking place in your relationship really isn’t about her, but about you and your mate. LaDamien and Kim never addressed each others infidelity and their problems only progressed. Regardless of what LaDamien felt for Mya, or Kim felt for her lover, it was all secondary to what they felt for each other. Affairs do not work themselves out, they do not go away if you ignore them, and the negative energy exerted in name calling and animosity towards the other woman does not bring your husband closer to you.

Excerpts: Love...Like Snow In Florida On A ot Summer Day

LaDamien

Mya and I are on International Drive in Orlando when Kim calls. She is telling me about her friend Debra and Debra’s husband Todd. When Kim finishes she holds the phone not speaking. I look at Mya and roll my eyes upward. She chuckles. We know this is Kim’s way of trying to figure out if I am alone. You would think that after all this time she would know that it isn’t going to work, but time after time she does it.

Like Debra and Karen are to Kim, Mya is my best friend. No matter what we go through or how bad things get between us, and we have had our share of bad times, like the trip to Miami that ended in disaster, she is the person I trust with my deepest thoughts. We haven’t fully recovered from that weekend and things have been tense, but she is still here and that’s enough for me. Aside from the drama, she is the person I call first with news, good or bad. She is who I roll my ideas off of, and lately she is the person whose opinion I seek when I need advice, personal or professional. That is one of the things I always loved about her, we can debate an issue for hours and in the end agree to disagree. When I am upset she has a way of moving us from the topic back to the place where only our love for each other matters. So when I end the call with Kim I turn to her and share the latest on Debra and Todd. She shakes her head, and displays a look of disbelief.

“Well they say birds of a feather flock together. No wonder Kim is so passive towards your infidelity. She is hanging with people who think like she does.” I ask her what she means by this and she does not hesitate to expound on her comment.

KIM

TayJohn feels so good inside of me. His large hands are exploring my backside as I ride him into ecstasy.

“Kim, you feel so good,” he says over and over and over again. The harder we grind the deeper I want him to be inside of me.

His lovemaking is so paced that it drives me mad. He tells me not to rush but to savor every second but by the time we are able to be together my body is fiending like a crack addict.

I try telling myself that we have a lifetime ahead of us, that I can relax and enjoy the moment. But deep down inside I know this isn’t quite true. Each and every second we are together is moments I am stealing from my marriage, from my daughter, and from my husband. I try to shake off the feelings of guilt plaguing my mind, leaving me wondering if these types of thoughts ever enter LaDamien’s mind when he is with other women.

“Earth to Kim,” TayJohn says. “Where’re you at baby?”

“Trust me, I’m right here,” I say as I place kisses on his hairy chest. “And here, and here,” sliding down the length of his body. “And here,” taking his shaft deep into my mouth. TayJohn is shivering which moves me to please him more and more.

Hours later as I am preparing to head home TayJohn asks me to sit down for a little talk. “So is this all we have, stolen moments, afternoon sex, and then lounging in front of the television?” He asks me this as he runs his fingers through my micro-braids, one of the many changes he has inspired in me. “I don’t want you to think this is only about sex for me.”

To be perfectly honest, it never occurred to me that he wanted more. The notion that I could offer him more is frightening. Infidelity is so easy. Here I am with a man who is not my husband, having walked out of the house this morning under the pretense of going to a study group and then shopping with my friends. There wasn’t a hint of guilt in my voice as I told LaDamien the lie. He may or may not have believed me. To him it may have simply been one less lie he had to tell in order to be with Mya. Could I be turning into my cheating husband? Does this put me on the same level as him?

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the Multicultural Advocacy Literary Groups Living In Color Award  for 2009 Best New Author, for her debut novel He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! She is also the author of the steamy, yet thought-provoking new release, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day. The above blog is part VI of the Love… series. Click the links below to read the previous entries.

Part I – Are You And Your Mate Keeping It 100?

Part II – First Comes Love Then Comes Marriage Then Comes ____ Pushing A Baby Carriage

Part III – Marriage….Life Commitment or Life Sentence

Part IV - Maybe Your Spouse Just Isn't That Into You

Part V - Who Is She And What Is She To You

Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day is causing readers to take pause and reflect over their own relationships. This controversial novel about three lives that become intertwined when LaDamien Bryson, who is married, is faced with whether or not to stay in a marriage that he long ago realized was a mistake, or pursue the love of a woman he believes to be his soul-mate. His inability to choose one over the other sends all of their lives into a whirlwind with ramifications that can cost him a whole lot more than their love.

To take a peek inside, see book trailers, or learn more about Tracy L. Darity, please visit www.TracyLDarity.com; www.TracyLDarity.ning.com; or connect with the author on Facebook and Twitter.

“That girl we past just tried to stare me down and when I looked at you you looked at the ground now I don’t know who she is but I think you do dat gummit who is she and what is she to you…

Something in my heart and something in your eye tells me she’s not just someone passing by and when you cleared your throat was that supposed to be your que….”

Remember that oldie, Who Is She and What Is She to You, originally done by the Three Degrees? How many women have asked their mate that very question? Call it women’s intuition or a sixth sense, but most of us know when another woman has made a connection with our man.

How many times have you sat around with you girlfriends and recalled that moment when you just didn’t think something was right with a particular female, only to find out she was sleeping with your man. What’s so unfair is that she probably knows without a doubt who you are and everything about you, but you have to rely on instincts to figure out who she is and what she means to your man.

Once you’ve figured out that there is someone else beating your time, what do you do next? Do you confront him, confront her, or just sit back and watch things unfold; losing valuable time in saving your relationship, if it can be saved. Believe it or not, your man recognizes the moment that you figured it out. Your total body language changes when she comes around, you start asking questions that you never asked before, or with most women you probably start making snide remarks about her. The more you learn about this woman the more negative your body language and comments become.

The biggest mistake comes when you choose to observe things to be sure; looking for that one thing that confirms your suspicions. By not presenting him with what you are feeling (and deep inside know to be true) you give him the impression that you are willing to turn the other way while he does his dirt.

Love..Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day is a story about infidelity to the nth degree. LaDamien Bryson, the husband, openly and freely carries on a full-fledge relationship with his mistress Mya Blake. Kim, LaDamien’s wife has heard the rumors and knows in her heart that her husband is carrying on a relationship with another woman. Instead of laying her cards on the table she forfeits her stance, as the wife, and tries to manipulate her husband into re-engaging in their marriage. Why would a wife ever feel that she is in competition with the other woman? Not only is it crazy but it only strokes the male ego and place him higher on his self-made pedestal.

Following is excepts from Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day:

Kim

LaDamien’s body language is screaming that he is lying. He is talking fast as he recites the lie he is laying out to me. He is going on a business trip to meet the guy Barry he told me he and Mark met a few months back at one of those networking events. Barry has invited them to attend a function down in Naples that will expose them to some new contacts. The event will not end until late so they will stay the night. I know it is a lie because he has offered it to me in a gift box with a pretty bow on top. He has gone overboard to ensure I understand it is a business trip and nothing for me to worry about. Plus, he knows my quarterly business meeting is tomorrow and I will not be able to take off or leave early to join him.

It is Friday morning and I need to get going but I do not want to leave because I know LaDamien is up to no good. I can’t put leaving off any longer so I say goodbye and lead Ariel out to the car. LaDamien follows us out to the garage and kisses us both, goodbye. He reminds me again that he is leaving for Naples around three and will not be back until tomorrow. He is being too accommodating, and I am convinced more than ever that he is lying. “Maybe we can have lunch,” I suggest. He quickly shoots me down. He has to drive over to Venice to view a property. As a matter of fact, he may just continue on to Naples from Venice, instead of returning home. My heart aches.

After dropping Ariel off at school, I head home instead of merging on to the interstate. LaDamien’s Cadillac Escalade is still in the garage. He has just stepped out of the shower when I reach our bedroom. “What are you doing back here?” he asks me.

The excuse I use is I forgot the reports I was working on. “It is part of my presentation for today’s meeting.” To waste time, I ask him more about Barry and what type of contacts he is looking to make at this function. He is becoming annoyed by my questions and continues to veer over at the clock. His cell phone, which is lying next to his overnight bag, is lighting up, indicating that a call is coming in. He picks the phone up and rejects the call, and then presses the end button a little longer than necessary and the phone shuts off.

LaDamien steps to me and begins running his hands along my hips, sliding my skirt up. He pushes me up against the dresser as he pulls my pantyhose, girdle and panties down. I brace his shoulders as he enters me. He is asking me if I am scared he’s going to give my dick away. If this is why I have returned? I want to scream yes, but instead I say, “No, I really did leave my report but I’m glad I came back.”

Mya

He jokes, “You’ve seen me for three days straight. Anymore and we would be considered husband and wife.”

“What would be wrong with that?”

...He replies, “Nothing, except you don’t want to be married to me.” I shake my head, kiss him on the cheek and enter my car. Again, I have the urge to follow him but do not want to slide down that path. Reminded of our situation, of the fact that he belongs to someone else and if I were to catch him in a lie, what would it matter because this whole relationship is a lie, I head home.

It is eleven a.m. and traffic is at a crawl. I was making good time along I-4 until I reached Lakeland. My fear is there has been a bad accident and I’m concerned I won’t make it to work by one p.m. as I had promised. Traffic inched along slowly for the next ten miles, and when I approached exit twenty-five I finally saw that the hold-up was not an accident going westbound, but a wreck in the eastbound lanes. The delay on my side of the highway was due to onlookers. We crept along until I was finally even with the wreckage. An older model Isuzi Rodeo was overturned in the median and a yellow sheet lay on the ground close by. Someone was pinned beneath the vehicle and that someone was dead. My natural reaction is to say a little prayer for the victims soul, and for the family that was about to get the awful news. My eyes open to witness another shocker, Kim and Ariel were sitting in her Mercedes Benz, impatiently waiting their turn to maneuver past the emergency vehicles that were blocking the inside lane. I was staring so hard I must have come to a complete stop because the vehicle behind me tapped its horn. I gently pressed the gas and eased forward. It may have been my imagination but I swear Kim looked straight at me with a look of total disbelief. We both lifted our cell phones at the same time. My call went to voice mail, while hers appeared to have been answered.

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the Multicultural Advocacy Literary Groups Living In Color Award  for 2009 Best New Author, for her debut novel He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! She is also the author of the steamy, yet thought-provoking new release, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day. The above blog is part V of the Love… series. Click the links below to read the previous entries.

Part I – Are You And Your Mate Keeping It 100?

Part II – First Comes Love Then Comes Marriage Then Comes ____ Pushing A Baby Carriage

Part III – Marriage….Life Commitment or Life Sentence

Part IV - Maybe Your Spouse Just Isn't That Into You

Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day is causing readers to take pause and reflect over their own relationships. This controversial novel about three lives that become intertwined when LaDamien Bryson, who is married, is faced with whether or not to stay in a marriage that he long ago realized was a mistake, or pursue the love of a woman he believes to be his soul-mate. His inability to choose one over the other sends all of their lives into a whirlwind with ramifications that can cost him a whole lot more than their love.

To take a peek inside, see book trailers, or learn more about Tracy L. Darity, please visit www.TracyLDarity.com; www.TracyLDarity.ning.com; or connect with the author on Facebook and Twitter.

You’ve gotten a new hairdo, bought some new clothes, rushing home each day to cook his favorite meals, even started cleaning up the place. He’s staying home more, fixing those things you’ve been complaining about, he’s even agreed to date night. But what happens when it’s still not enough? Maybe it’s time to consider that your mate just isn't that into you.

Week after week, the pastor at church drills into the minds or married couples that they have to do whatever it takes to keep their marriage together. Your vows said, “until death you do part.” You’ve made a covenant with God and covenants should not be broken. Family is stepping in to do their part. They agree to watch the kids so you two can get away. They are involving you more in their social outings and encouraging you to do more as a couple. Still, the spark you need just isn’t there.

What happens when one spouse wants it to work at all cost and the other isn’t committed to the success of the relationship? What about the couple that is simply staying together for the sake of appearances, holding up the lie they have created. Those looking in from the outside see you two as the perfect couple with all the trimmings and envy what you have. But if walls could talk they'd know it was all just a mirage.

Are you and your mate together for all the right reasons? Or is it more a joining of convenience? Were you down and out when he or she came along and picked you up? Did you two compare your stats and decide you look good on paper? Did casual sex lead to an unwanted pregnancy and he decided to “do the right thing?” Or could it be that like LaDamien Bryson, in my novel Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day, you felt like time was running out and it was time to settle down?

People get married for a lot of reasons but I am of the opinion that if true love doesn’t top that list, you are headed for major trouble. Two people must have a mutual like, (unconditional) love, and respect for one another if they are going to be totally vested for the long haul. Can you imagine waking up everyday next to someone you don’t like as a person? Where is your motivation as you go through your day working hard to provide a happy and stable home for someone you don’t really love? And at the end of the day, how hard must it be to return to a house and realize that the last thing you want is to be touched, spoken to, or lay down with someone you despise.

Relationships can be like a job you have grown to hate, once people acknowledge they do not like their job, their co-workers, etc, they begin to mentally check-out. They no longer give 100%, they do not care if anyone is happy with their work, and they begin to find excuses for why they can’t show-up like they are supposed to. When your mate is no longer feeling you, they begin to treat you like that job. They continue to give just enough to get by but all along they are wishing and hoping for something better. And like most people who want to make a change professionally, it is usually that leap of faith that keeps them firmly planted in a miserable situation. In most cases, they become distant and miserable and infect those around them with that same misery, or they create an impossible situation forcing drastic actions from others.

Some mental health professionals believe that allowing yourself to stay in an unstable and unhappy home can lead to depression. You lose your direction, your motivation, and your self-esteem takes a nose-dive. People also find other coping mechanisms to replace the love missing in their marriages/relationships. These coping mechanisms can range from a hobby, excessive spending, affairs, drinking, and other behaviors that can do more harm than good. Whatever the chosen distraction, it only eases the pain but does not address the real problem, which is, your mate just isn’t that into you, and you need to figure out what to do about it.

Bonnie Raitt has a song, that was also recorded by Boyz II Men (and a few others), titled I Can’t Make You Love Me. In this song, the singer is in love with someone who has made it evident that they just aren’t into this person. The singer pleads for just one night to prove their love and if in the morning the other person hasn’t figured out how to love them back, they will just walk away. So my question to you is, if your mate isn’t that into you and you’ve done all you can do to make them love you, what are you willing to do to get the love that you deserve, even if it means walking away?

Tracy L. Darity is the author of the 2009 Living In Color Literary Award for Best New Author, for her debut novel He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! She is also the author of the steamy, yet thought-provoking new release, Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day. The above blog is part IV of the Love… series. Click the links below to read the previous entries.

Part I – Are You And Your Mate Keeping It 100?

Part II – First Comes Love Then Comes Marriage Then Comes ____ Pushing A Baby Carriage

Part III – Marriage….Life Commitment or Life Sentence

Love…Like Snow In Florida On A Hot Summer Day is causing readers to take pause and reflect over their own relationships. This controversial novel about three lives that become intertwined when LaDamien Bryson, who is married, is faced with whether or not to stay in a marriage that he long ago realized was a mistake, or pursue the love of a woman he believes to be his soul-mate. His inability to choose one over the other sends all of their lives into a whirlwind with ramifications that can cost him a whole lot more than their love.

To take a peek inside, see book trailers, or learn more about Tracy L. Darity, please visit www.TracyLDarity.com; www.TracyLDarity.ning.com; or connect with the author on Facebook and Twitter.